Rubbish-y Me.

Monday, October 23, 2006

23/10/06 *its another saddening day:(

the truth i am afraid to hear has befall..i can't take it anymore..i knew this would happened.but i m just not prepare for it..i have been hoping miracles would befall..haha..guess i was wrong..i really dunno what to do now..
i put up a brave front and finally talk to my mum abt retaining..the reply was hurting..i couldn't take it..i kept quiet and quickly went to bath--an excuse where i can cry..her words come through my mind again and again.." i told u tt u shld have gone to srjc like ur sis..u wouldn't have to worry abt this now..surely u will pass.."..harmless it seems but it tore me to pieces..i couldn't think..what's tt suppose to mean?i dunno..i dunwan to noe..i noe she is disappointed..so am i.but can't she be more comforting..haix..guess what i really need is a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear to hear what i have got to say..okays..aft tt.i calm myself n started seeking her opinion..but what i got was more and more hurtful phrases..i broke dwn..i couldn't take it anymore..its..really painful..so pain nothing can stop my tears..i turn away..not wanting to hear another word frm her...i had enough..i keep thinking..thinking what should i do.its scary tt i even thought of ending my life...i mean its definately stupid but the blames..the burdens i carry is so huge tt..yup..i just wish i would disappear and gone it will be..thgts of quiting sch and start work crossed my mind..it would solve all the problems my family faced now..it would..sometimes i just wish i can be more selfish and just care my own benefit..but i can't..i just think too much..not for me..for others...its all too complicated..

my world is in darkness and i can't see a thing.will any kind soul guide me out of it? who will it be? me, myself and i? its a lonely world...its black..

im rubbish-ing.

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